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WALLS OF SILENCE
SECTION 9 TITLE 9.0 PROFILE OF AN ABUSER: A GUIDE TO VIOLENT OFFENDERS SOCIOLOGY PATTERNS AND ACTS
By Amani Chiari
This guide draws from a range of expert sources, including the United Nations (UN), the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), the Mayo Clinic, the National Council Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), and others, to provide a streamlined resource for recognizing abusive behavior and understanding the dynamics of domestic violence. As a survivor of violence and stalking, I have become intimately familiar with these patterns. This hard-earned awareness has empowered me to recognize even the subtlest warning signs, establish safe boundaries, and exit potentially harmful relationships before tragedy strikes. Often, the signs of abuse are present before an attack but can be difficult to distinguish from mere bad behavior or fleeting moments of conflict, especially when emotional attachment complicates the situation. My goal is to help others discern the difference, so they can protect themselves and stay safe.
Subpart 1. Introduction
There is no simple, easily identifiable profile for those who commit domestic violence. Abusers can come from any race, cultural background, economic level, age group, or professional sphere. However, the National Council Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) has identified some common traits often seen in individuals who commit abuse:
A. Objectification of Women: An abuser often sees women not as individuals, but as objects to be owned or controlled. He may lack basic respect for women, treating them as property or merely sexual objects rather than human beings with autonomy.
B. Low Self-Esteem: Despite how successful or confident they might appear on the outside, abusers frequently struggle with feelings of insecurity, powerlessness, and inadequacy. They attempt to mask these internal fears with controlling and abusive behavior.
C. Blaming External Factors: Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, an abuser will often attribute violent outbursts to external pressures, such as stress, their partner’s actions, a bad day, or substance use like alcohol. This allows them to avoid accountability and shift the blame onto something or someone else.
D. Charming Façade: Abusers can be highly manipulative, presenting themselves as kind and agreeable between incidents of violence. To outsiders, they may seem like friendly and considerate people, which can make it challenging for the victim to seek help or be believed.
Some of the behavioral red flags that might indicate a potential abuser include excessive jealousy, a need to control their partner, unpredictable mood swings, cruelty toward animals, and frequent verbal insults or criticisms. These warning signs can often precede more severe forms of abuse.
Subpart 2. Abusive Behaviors
Act 1. Controlling Actions – An abuser might try to dominate every part of their partner's life, dictating how they handle their money, limiting time with family and friends, controlling who they speak with or receive calls from, deciding where they go and with whom, and even regulating what they wear. They may disguise these actions as concern for safety, but the real aim is total control over their partner's life.
Act 2. Unreasonable Demands – An abuser might expect their target to fulfill every need immediately and exactly as they desire. They may also demand their target solve issues beyond their control, like challenges at work, social problems, or financial difficulties.
Act 3. Possessive Jealousy – The abuser may frequently interrogate their target about who they interact with, accusing them of inappropriate behavior or infidelity. They might claim the target dresses provocatively to attract attention, distrust professional colleagues, or search through personal items for evidence of cheating. They may inappropriately insert themselves in exchanges between others and the target to assert dominance. This jealousy is often justified as "proof of love."
Act 4. Shifting Blame – An abuser often holds others responsible for their own mistakes and problems. They may blame their targets for any misfortune or negative event, refusing to take accountability for their actions or shortcomings.
Act 5. Manipulating Children – An abuser might threaten to harm or take away the children to control their target. They may make false reports to authorities about child neglect or expect children to meet standards beyond their capability, punishing them unfairly when they can't.
Act 6. Threats of Harm – These include threats of physical violence, injury, or even death, meant to intimidate and maintain control over the target. The target, based on past experiences, usually believes these threats could be carried out.
Act 7. Physical Restraint During Disagreements – An abuser may physically hold their target in place, prevent them from leaving, shove them, or threaten to track them down and hurt them if they try to escape.
Act 8. Psychophysical Restraint During Disagreements – An “intimate non-personal” abuser may use external systems—such as law enforcement through false reports, or mental health responders and supporters—as tools to physically restrain their target, prevent them from leaving, shove them, or threaten to track and harm them if they attempt to escape. These tactics are often disguised as concern for the victim or framed as self-defense, with the abuser falsely portraying themselves as the victim of the target’s misconduct. The goal is to avoid legal accountability while coercing the victim into compliance—forcing them to “obey” the abuser’s demands, which, in turn, gives the abuser a psychological and emotional sense of power and control over their target.
A real life example of such an act might look like unwarranted systematic “Wellness Check”. These abusers manipulate the reality of systematic racism to systematically (administratively) torture victims. There’s a rational fear of violence and death when police are called in. The murder of Sonya Massey is a prime example of what can go wrong when Intimate Non-Personal abusers are allotted “proximal access” to targeted individuals. Abusive predators will exploit this reality to silence, coerce, humiliate, invoke fear and detain a Targeted Individual, even when they themselves are not particularly racist. Its not about racism; its about control by all means necessary.
This method is used, successfully, quite often. See:
Act 9. Destruction of Property or Animals – An abuser may break or threaten to damage property, including but not limited to items of sentimental value or pets, as a means to instill fear. This could involve harming animals or smashing household items like furniture, walls, or car windows.
Act 10. Domestic Exploitation – An unfair and gender-based division of domestic responsibilities may be enforced, often with the woman expected to handle all household chores, childcare, and cater to the man and his friends. The abuser may see the victim, typically a woman, as inherently inferior, responsible for menial tasks, and incomplete without the relationship.
Act 11. Financial Control – The abuser may take over the household finances entirely, using economic dependence as a tool for control and ensuring their partner's financial instability.
Act 12. Emotional, Psychological, or Verbal Abuse – This type of abuse involves withdrawing emotional support, belittling, and subjecting the victim to harsh verbal treatment. Examples include sulking, silent treatment, yelling, insults, and making derogatory remarks, using hostile or passive aggressive undertones to communicate. The abuser's comments are often designed to be hurtful and undermine their partner's confidence.
Act 13. Immigration Exploitation – In immigrant families, an abuser might use immigration status as leverage, threatening to report their partner to authorities. They may withhold legal documents to prevent their partner from leaving or seeking help, fostering isolation that can exacerbate domestic abuse.
Act 14. Physical Violence – This form of abuse involves physical acts like hitting, kicking, spitting, slapping, or pushing the target into harmful situations. These actions can range from minor injuries to life-threatening assaults.
Act 15. Sexual Coercion or Abuse – This behavior includes unwanted or coerced sexual activity, sometimes involving physical threats or force. It may also involve forcing the target into situations like sex with others or prostitution, and ignoring their comfort, health, or willingness.
Act 16. Isolation Tactics – The abuser deliberately isolates their target from family, friends and community by monitoring their movements, dictating who they can interact with, and limiting their social activities. This isolation, often paired with shame from the abuse, prevents the victim from accessing support networks, making it harder to leave the relationship.
Act 17. Spiritual Belief Manipulation – An abuser may attack the victim’s spiritual or religious beliefs, mocking them or twisting religious texts to justify their abusive behavior and demand submission.
Act 18. Stalking – An abuser may engage in persistent, threatening behavior to keep tabs on or frighten their victim. This includes unwanted calls, SMS and MMS messaging, engagement on social media, following the victim, showing up uninvited at home or work, and even breaking into their home. In many places, stalking is recognized as a specific criminal offense.
These behaviors are all intended to scare, control, and dominate the victim. When confronted, abusers often deny their actions or blame the victim, saying they were "forced" to behave that way. While abusers can be of any gender, statistics show that most are men. (Jenesse Center, n.d.)
Color-Coded In-Article Highlights Guide
Abuse Type / Highlight Purpose | Color | Meaning & Awareness Context |
Sexual Harassment | Teal | Widely recognized color for sexual violence and harassment awareness. |
Emotional Abuse | Yellow | Yellow symbolizes emotional abuse awareness; used in mental health advocacy contexts. |
Domestic Violence (Physical/Coercive) | Purple | Official domestic violence awareness color; symbolizes strength and survival. |
Acts Against Additional Victims | Orange | Distinct from the main victim, orange signals related but secondary harm; used in social justice campaigns. |
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